Plot Summary:

     Witless Protection is the latest incarnation of Larry The Cable Guy in a feature film role.  This time he portrays a hapless deputy in a small town that is out to “do some good”. 

Review:
     So what does a film critic do after Hollywood’s most prestigious awards are given to all those highly acclimated movies, that’s right you city folks, he goes to unwind at Larry The Cable Guy’s latest comedic tour-de-farce.  Witless Protection stars Larry as well as notable actors Yaphet Kotto (Alonzo Mosely) as the FBI agent entrusted with bringing Ivana Milicevic (Madeline) to appear in a Chicago courtroom.  Jenny McCarthy (Connie) plays the waitress who is in love with Larry. There are other prominent actors like Joe Mantegna (Dr. Rondog Savage) as the small town medical examiner/funeral home director and Eric Roberts (Wilford Duvall) as a security advisor.  In the story Deputy Larry mistakenly thinks someone is being kidnapped and does what he can to free her from her captors. 

     Witless Protection is a primer example of getting exactly what you would expect.  As awful as this film was I actually enjoyed myself.  There is a scene where Madeline says she has been with Larry long enough to actually understand him.  Coincidentally, I knew how she felted.  Larry spouts out euphemisms like an over flowing book of good ole country farm boy jargon.  Instead of an intellisensical crime drama with exceptional performances by top notch actoraters, we have a meandering drive-by bodily function secreting trailer park trash storyline.  The jokes have a shotgun effect.  Some hit the mark while most fail to do so.  Despite this problem, I could not feel sorry for their efforts.  It would appear that Larry and I have something in common.  That would be a willingness to embare ass ourselves in order to get the laff out of people.  For that, I admire his effort.  And while Larry is never at a loss for words, Madeline is por-dinner-trayed as a high class socialite.  Dr. Savage is just weird and only briefly appears.  The movie is very predictable.  This story is nothing new.  But it is very much a skinematic car wreck and you just cannot help but watch. 

     Hopefully, this gives you a glimpse into my post Oscar reawakening.  Seeing an incredibly whorendous film only lets me appreciate the better films more.  With this in mind, Witless Protection has served its porpoise.  If you have the time and do not fear losing four and a half brain cells, go see this film.  It is not totally without merit.  Just be sure to know what you are getting yourself into and take it at face value.             

Mike's Rating: 4 out of 10 Pig Snot Poke in the Eyes (Uh?)
MPAA Rating: Rated PG-13 for crude and sex related humor or, at least, an attempt at humor

Running Time: 1 hour 37 minutes

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